I was feeling really down before because of some things at home. I couldn’t really concentrate on anything so just took a bit of a break. But then I started thinking about everything. This year. The past 13 or so years of school. Everything I seemed to do was working towards these next few weeks. And now I realise how stupid that really easy. Once exams are over, they’re over. Sure, they’ll help me get into a Uni but it just seems so … pointless devoting SO MUCH effort just to a few exams. I know it’s even really stupid just for me to feel so blerh when exams are so close. I don’t want all of my effort to go to waste. But this year has just been… I just want it to end.
As I said to a friend before, I always wonder where I would be if I had stayed at my old school. I probably would have cried when school ended. But nope, at my current school. I didn’t really seem to care at all. I think over the years I started to dislike my school. It changed from being an exciting place to a place where I just had to go everyday. I neccessity. Then again, if I hadn’t gone to Mac.Rob, I wouldn’t have met so many of the amazing people in my life. They’re probably the only reason I like my school. Sigh. I don’t like the person that my school has kind of made me become. The person who seems to be always stressed. Who’s aiming too high, who always gets disappointed. Nothing is never enough. All day long I think about school, school, school. I wish I wasn’t this way. I wish I could just be carefree. Let things go by. Because this year even when I really did try my hardest, it didn’t help. It feels like no matter how many practice exams I do, I don’t seem to be getting any smarter/better. Everything just seems mundane and pointless. It’s disheartening when people who haven’t done any papers or what not are able to do so much better even when I’m trying my best. I don’t really know what I’m doing wrong but I guess right now, it’s a little late to find out.
So just soldier on through these exams. I really have no idea to expect. I just feel numb really. Can’t explain how I’m feeling. I don’t want to disappoint anyone. And I especially don’t want to disappoint myself. The young me who had worked so hard to get here. Still holding on but I really don’t know why.
I’m sorry guys for always complaining about school. I know I lose heaps of followers on Tumblr becase I’m always talking about school LOOOL. But yes, I do rant a lot and I was just saying before, it’s who I’ve become. It annoys me and I’m trying to change really.
But thank you for loving me for the crazy paranoid nutter I am :)
